For as long as I can remember, I've had trouble 'suiting up' for a job that only serves to pay my bills. I was thoroughly miserable working throughout my high-school years - I just couldn't fathom how anyone could work all day and go home for a few hours, just so that they could wake up and go back to work again. I remember being infuriated by the notion... What kind of life was that?
I knew I had to do it though. I was on my own for money. I wanted to go out on weekends, I had to have money to kick around town, pay for fast-food, smokes and 40s. I came from a disciplined background, so I set myself to my tasks and mindlessly plowed through each day. I told myself I wasn't the only one in this position and remained aware that there were much worse things in the world.
I had many part-time jobs in high school. Cosmetician at a pharmacy, waitress, bartender, grocery clerk... I even hated working at a candy story, my very first job. Everyday before work, the countdown of grief would set in as I got closer and closer to having to relinquish my freedom to work enslavement.
I've never been much of a consumer though. My money has always gone to paying my bills, my rent, my food and leisure. I don't buy clothes or shoes or gadgets, really. I sometimes splurge on books. Every now and then there are necessary or emergency expenses. I've never been much of a saver either. I've almost always lived paycheque for paycheque. I actually hate money, in many ways. Money has always been a center of focus in my family - everything depends on it, everything is effected by it. Consequentially, I refuse to let it rule my life.
By the time I got to university, I was well aware I wouldn't/couldn't continue to mentally survive working such jobs. I was beyond determined to get a government job, knowing that they would pay the most and were the most highly revered. My determination paid off, I beat out a whole whack of Summer student applicants for a position that I ended up in for 3 years.
Needless to say, I didn't like working for the government either. The people in the cubicles around me seemed to have very little to talk about and/or live for. Worst of all, they had all been there for 10, 20+ years! In talking with them, I got a sense that they stopped living as soon as they started their 'government careers'. They invested their earnings in a home, they stopped living for themselves and they started families. They stopped making time for the things they use to love, they stopped indulging in the passions that used to define and invigorate them. And now they schlepped themselves to the office every morning, made small talk about the TV shows they watched the night before and sat glued to the chairs that now formed the shape of their unfit arses.
All this lead me to make a plan. My government experience, paired with my passion for and educational background in Film, I plotted and planned a way to work for Telefilm Canada (government that finances film in Canada), where I could apply my organizational skills to an organization that supports Canadian art and artists. And I did it! I had to land some key positions, meet the right people, prove myself through hard work and dedication... and I did it!
At Telefilm I loved what I did and it even afforded me a great lifestyle. I had a great apartment, money to spend freely on everyday outings and was even able to make worthwhile payments towards my university loan debts. Life was good! I had a career I was passionate about and I felt secure and free in my everyday lifestyle.
Before my 2 year anniversary with Telefilm, I lost my job to budget-related cuts. These things happen to so many people, so often. It can be so discouraging and disheartening. Gladly, I was in love and although this door shut, I listened to the ways of the world and followed through the other door that opened for me.
In deciding to make the move to Australia with my love, I had to face my fears and re-join the cubicle world. I worked with a temp agency who got me the highest paying job I could find - in life insurance. I loathed the experience of working with death certificates and being exposed to people struggling to survive (both physically and financially) in a world bent on making the economy go 'round. But, I made my money and I set off the backpack Europe and move to Australia.
And here I am! A whole new lease on life! And a whole new set of bills to pay. Turns out waitressing just isn't going to cut it and today had to step into a temp agency again. Part of me wants to scream and cry but part of me knows that I have plans in the works, and that reassures me. Right now, I need to pay off my backpacking debts, make some more worthwhile payments towards my university loan, save up for the $2500 Partner's visa I have yet to apply for and store away some funds to fall back on.
This won't be easy for me but I must look upon it as a challenge. My travels were ever so worth this effort. My plans for the immediate future are even more worth it. I must, must consistently remind myself of this.
What's most important, and the point to this entire entry, is that I'm working on a project that relates to my strong belief that it is ever so necessary for people to make a living out of what they love. We, as individuals, are not meant to be slaves to work that has no value to us. Every part of me wants to help make a difference in this matter - I truly believe that we are in a time and place where change can take place on the working forefront.
And so, for now, I have this entry as a reminder of why it's all worth it - because in the end, I will make a difference. If not for everyone, then at least, surely, for myself.
[I should note that this isn't to say that there aren't people who enjoy suiting up for cubicle-type work. There absolutely are and they are necessary to those roles. Nonetheless, I believe that people are more productive and happier working in personal environments where they can apply themselves and still feel like they lead an active individual life.]
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